I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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