Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
