So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
