Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
