I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
