so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
