Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
as a side note pls kill me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
