I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
