if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
