look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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