Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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