Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
