My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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