omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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