mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
