At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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