Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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