You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
