that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
