Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
