my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
