I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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