you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
