Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
