Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
