I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my being single is dangerous.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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