She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
