i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
