I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
