It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
