Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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