He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
