3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
