my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I looked at my own cervix.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
