Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
