I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
