Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
