I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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