so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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