Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
