i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
