you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
