Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
