Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
