I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
