Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
