I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
