So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
