Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
