9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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