I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
