I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
