Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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